failegaidin

Chapter 2 of my Kony story....

Jack had an odd look on his face as he handed Tony a bottle of water and took a seat next to him on the couch. A baseball game was playing on the TV, but neither was particularly invested in it since neither the Cubs nor the Dodgers were playing. But there was nothing else on, and it felt awkward to sit there without any background noise to cover their lack of conversation. As the Angels scored a run, Jack cleared his throat loudly.

"So how are you doing?" he asked. "With the not drinking?"

Tony smirked at him. "It's taken you six innings to figure out how to ask, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, well. I didn't know if it was any of my business. I remember snapping at you any time you asked about my heroin withdrawal."

"You always were a cranky bastard." He paused, a serious look coming over his face. "It's going okay."

"How long has it been?"

"Six months."

"That's good, Tony. That's really good." Jack stopped then, fiddling with the remote as he tried to find the right words. "I found out about the hotel," he finally said.

"What?"

He sighed. "I know you've been living at the hotel. I probably shouldn't have, but I tracked you down."

"Why would you do that?"

"I was worried about you, Tony. I knew you were drinking too much, and you refused to tell me where you were staying. I wanted to be able to keep any eye on you."

"I'm doing better, though."

"I know. But the sudden turnaround made me curious, too. I wanted to know what had made you stop drinking. So I kept looking. And I found the hotel." He looked at the other man. "You should have told me. You could have stayed with me. I could have helped."

Tony sighed. "I didn't want to be helped."

"So what changed?"

He shrugged, trying to find a way out of the question. "Don't know."

"You're lying."
"Does it really matter? I stopped drinking. I don't live at the hotel anymore. I'm getting better."

"So where are you living now?"

"With a friend."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Not right now. No."

"Is it a woman?"

Tony glared at him. "Yes. But it's not like that. We're just friends."

"I wasn't judging. It would be fine if-"

"We're just friends. I have my own room and everything."

"Tony-"

"Look, Jack. You're my best friend. You really are, and if it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't have survived the first few months I was back. But I can't talk about where I'm living yet. It's too…complicated. Please."

Jack stared at him for a minute before finally nodding. "Okay. I'll back off." He paused. "You'll still come over to watch the game though, right?"

Tony laughed. "Yeah. She doesn't like baseball. Says it's a silly sport."

"Women," Jack muttered.

***

"I saw your dad today," Tony said quietly as he and Kim made dinner.

"How is he?" she asked quietly.

"Lonely, I think," he answered. "He found out that I was living in the hotel after I got back and he wanted to know why I didn't let him help me."

"Does he know you don't live there anymore?"

He watched her carefully. "Yeah. But don't worry, Kim. I didn't tell him I was living with you. I'm not entirely sure how he would handle that." He paused. "He misses you."

"I don't miss him."

He sighed. "That's a lie, and you know it, Kim. You can't push him away forever. I'm not even sure why you're doing it anymore."

"It's complicated-"

"No. It's not. He's your father. You love him. You don't blame him anymore…" He trailed off, staring at her. "You're embarrassed, aren't you? You're ashamed to tell him about all the stuff that happened to you. You're afraid he'll think less of you or that he won't love you anymore."

She was fighting back tears, her hands shaking as she tried to cut the potatoes sitting in front of her. Moving closer to her, Tony gently took the knife from her and set it down, pulling her into his arms. She clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder as he whispered soothing words into her ear. Eventually her cries subsided and Tony placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head as he continued to hold her.

"I think you it's time you saw someone, Kim."

She pulled back to look at him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

He hesitated slightly. "You need someone to talk to. A professional."

Kim pulled back more, trying to free herself from his arms. "What, it's too much for you? If you didn't want to hear it, Tony, you should have just said something-"

"No, no, no," he rushed to assure. "That's not what I meant at all. I will always be here to listen. I want you to tell me what's wrong. But I can only do so much…I have trouble keeping myself together some days. I can't put you back together, as much as I want to. You need someone to help you sort through everything – Barry, the baby, your dad."

"What about you?" she shot back. "Why don't you need someone to talk to?"

"I go every Wednesday morning at nine."

Kim frowned. "I thought you were running then."

"I do every other morning. On Wednesdays I go see James – my therapist."

"You really see a shrink?"

Tony laughed at her expression. "Almost as soon as I got back, your dad forced my ass into therapy. He knew from experience that I would need someone to talk to."

Kim nodded, moving herself until she leaning against his chest again, his arms around her.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"Because of Barry?"

She nodded again. "I trusted him, Tony, and I let him take advantage of me. How do I keep that from happening again?"

"We'll find you a woman to talk to. And if anything weird or bad happens, you tell me and we'll fix it, okay?"

"You really think I can do this?"

Tony smiled at her gently. "I know you can. And you don't have to do it alone. I'm going to be here. Every step of the way."

She returned his smile. "Why are you being so helpful?"

"I seem to remember something about you giving me a place to live other than the hotel and kicking my ass until I stopped drinking. You've been a good friend, Kim. I'm just making sure I do the same for you."

"We did it, didn't we?"

"What?"

"We became friends. Good friends."

"Yeah," he smiled. "we did."

***

"You should just go to bed," Tony informed her as they sat together on the couch.

Kim shook her head firmly. "It's movie night. I'm not missing movie night just because I have a cold."

"Kim, you look awful. You're running a fever. You need sleep."

"Gee, thanks Tony," she said, rolling her eyes. "Why don't you just grab the beers and the pizza and put the movie in?"

Tony sighed and got up, heading to the kitchen. Kim leaned her head back against the couch, closing her eyes. She really didn't feel well. But Tony had seemed out of sorts all week, and she wanted to spend some time with him, see if she could help him at all. Her mind drifted, and she found herself marveling at how close they had become. He had been living with her for almost seven months now, and there was no awkwardness between them. They ate most meals together and had designated Friday as movie night. They would order pizza and drink beers, sometimes falling asleep on the couch, still sitting next to each other. They would wake up a few hours later and each stumble to their own bedrooms. She never thought that they could actually be friends, but now she couldn't imagine living without him.

She jerked awake a moment later when she felt something being laid over her. Opening her eyes, she saw Tony moving to sit beside her, having just covered her with a blue fleece blanket. She smiled at him warmly.

"Thank you."

He shrugged. "You looked cold."

Kim didn't make it very far into the movie. She was soon fast asleep, the blanket wrapped tight around her and her head resting on Tony's shoulder. He continued to watch the movie, casting glances at her now and then, smiling every time. She looked so peaceful while she slept, and Tony was glad that she was getting some rest.

When the movie was over, he shut the TV off and turned to look at her again. She hadn't stirred at all in the past hour and he knew that he should wake her so that she could sleep in her bed. Hesitating slightly, he reached out a hand to brush a piece of hair out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. He suddenly didn't want to wake her. He wanted to just let her sleep there on his shoulder for the rest of the night. But he knew that she couldn't be comfortable, and that things would be weird when she finally did wake up.

Sighing, he moved her gently so that her head was once again resting against the back of the couch. He stood then, smiling at her again before bending down to scoop her up into his arms. Using his elbow to flip off the lights, he carried her to her bed.

***

"I'm glad you called," Jack said quietly as he sat across from his daughter.

They had agreed to meet for lunch that day at an outdoor café. Kim was dressed in jeans and a tank top, while Jack had agonized over what to wear. He had finally settled on a dress shirt and khakis. He knew that the café was casual, but he also wanted to show his daughter that he was doing okay, that he could take care of himself, despite that being far from the truth…he had called Chloe in a moment of desperation, begging her to come over and pick out his outfit.

Kim shrugged. "I figured it was time we actually talked."

Jack froze. "Are you going to tell me to stay out of your life again?"

It was then that Kim saw the fear in her father's eyes. She hadn't realized what a toll her silence had taken on him, and her heart broke for all the pain that she had caused him. Silently, she vowed to try her hardest to make this work. Reaching over, she took his hand in hers.

"No, Daddy. I don't want you out of my life."

His sigh of relief was audible, and he smiled at her warmly as he squeezed her hand.

"What made you decide to call me?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "My shrink."

She saw his jaw clench. "Barry?" He tried to keep his voice even.

Biting her lip, she tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach. "No. Barry and I…we broke up, Dad. I have a new therapist now. A woman," she added, seeing the worry in his eyes. "She told me I was ready to talk to you. To tell you about what's happened to me over the past few years."

The worry in his eyes only grew. "What do you mean?"

She frowned, staring down at her plate. "Barry…he wasn't very good for me, Dad. He wasn't…good to me."

"What did he do?" Jack growled.

Kim looked around, taking in all the people around them. "Maybe…maybe we could go for a walk?"

Seeing the fear in her eyes, he struggled to soften his features. He reached into his wallet to pay for the sandwiches they had barely touched and then stood up, reaching out his hand to her.

"Come on," he said softly.

There was a small park across the street, and they walked side by side down one of its lanes. Jack tentatively wrapped an arm around her shoulders, smiling when he felt her lean into him.

"Talk to me," he urged.

Kim led them over to a bench and sat down, turning her body so that she was facing her father. But she couldn't meet his eyes, instead keeping her gaze locked on the bench.

"He…he hit me." She could feel him tense up next to her immediately, but was surprised by the gentleness with which he took her hand. "Not every day. But often enough. I don’t know why I didn't leave. I was…scared. I didn't know where else to go. When it first happened, you were in China, and then…I was too afraid to go to you once you got back."

"Afraid?" he asked, lifting her chin with his finger.

She nodded. "All those things I said to you…I know how badly I hurt you, and you didn't deserve it. And I had screwed up so badly with Barry and I didn't know how to fix things."

Jack squeezed her hand before cupping her face and locking his gaze on hers. "Kim, there is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. No matter how far you fall, sweetheart, I am always going to be here for you."

She looked at him through watery eyes. "I got pregnant," she whispered. He nodded for her to continue and she took a deep breath. "Barry didn't want any kids…he blamed me. Said I did it on purpose. We had a fight. He…" Her words were lost as the emotion choked her.

"Did he hurt you?" her father asked gently, straining to keep any roughness out of his voice.

Kim nodded. "I lost the baby," she whispered, so quietly that Jack could barely hear her.

His jaw clenched and he had to restrain himself from flying off the bench and hunting down the son of a bitch. Kim needed him to be supportive, not angry and vengeful. Reaching over, he dragged her against his chest, holding her tightly as she started to cry. He ran his fingers through her hair, whispering soothing words to her, wishing that he could do something to take away her pain. Finally her sobs subsided, but she kept leaning against him.

"I left after that. I was afraid he'd kill me."

"Then what did you do?"

"I thought about finding Chase and trying to make things right with him…but he had already moved on. He got married. He has a family now."

"I'm sorry, Kim."

She shrugged. "Then I just started drinking and being angry all the time. It was all I could do to keep from curling into a ball and crying."

"What made you stop?"

"Tony."

Jack pulled back from her in surprise, his eyes wide as he looked down at her.

"Tony?"

She nodded. "I ran into him at a bar one night. At the hotel he was staying at. I was trashed. He refused to let me drive home, telling me I could just crash in his room. When we got up there, I…I broke down. I smashed his mirror and started crying. He just bandaged me up and took care of me…sitting with me until I fell asleep."

Jack frowned. "He never told me."

"He was afraid to. He knew that it would hurt you to know that I was willing to talk to him and not to you."

He nodded. "So you still talk to him."

Kim smiled. "He's my roommate."

"What?"

"I couldn't let him live in that hotel anymore. Part of him was too ashamed to ask you if he could move in…"

"I would have gladly-"

"I know, Dad. But you'd already helped him out before…after Michelle left him."

Jack frowned at her, trying to take it all in. "So you and Tony are…friends?"

She nodded. "Yep. He moved in about seven months ago. He's the one that made me go see a therapist. He's taken good care of me." She paused. "Are you okay with that? With me and him being friends?"

He smiled at her. "Of course I am. It's just…unexpected. I guess I never thought of you and Tony having anything in common."

"Neither did we. Until it turned out that we both hurting so much. We bonded over the pain. And now…we just hang out. We watch movies and stuff…and talk. We get along really well."

"You're what made him stop drinking," Jack said as he finally put the pieces together.

She nodded. "We fought a lot at first. We were both angry and we tried to push each other away. But then I took all the alcohol out of the house and stole his car keys. Getting sober was hard, but he's done a really good job with it." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're not mad, are you? At Tony?"

He gave her a smile. "No, sweetheart. I'm glad he was there to help. And I'm glad you could help him. It just takes a little effort to wrap my brain around it. He's always been my friend."

Kim smirked up at him. "And he still is, Daddy. You're his best friend. He just didn't want to hurt your feelings. He thought it would be better coming from me."

"He was right about that. I wouldn't have handled it well, knowing that he got to talk to you and I didn't." He paused. "So…are we okay? I know we still have a ways to go, but…can we see each other? Maybe have dinner sometimes?"

She hugged him against her tightly. "Of course, Dad. You can always come over or call me. I've missed you."

Jack hugged her back, his eyes misty as he kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you too, sweetheart."

***

Tony froze when he opened the apartment door to find Jack standing on the other side. His throat went dry and he suddenly found himself devoid of words. Kim had told him that Jack knew he was living there, and that he had seemed fine with it, but Tony knew that Jack had a way of hiding his anger until faced with the source.

"Hi Tony."

"Jack."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure."

Tony stepped aside, letting the older man through. Jack moved to the couch, sitting down, making himself at home.

"You got anything to drink?"

"Um…milk. Juice. Water."

"Water sounds good."

Tony nodded, his mind racing as he moved to the kitchen. As he pulled two bottles of water from the fridge, he reasoned that if Jack was going to kill him, he probably would have done it right away. On the other hand, he had seen Jack lull suspects into a sense of security before pouncing on them and ripping their throats out. His stomach was a mess by the time he came back out to the living room, and he noticed that his hand shook as he handed Jack the bottle of water and sat next to him.

"Relax, Tony. I'm not here to kill you."

Tony glanced at him sideways. "Promise?"

Jack laughed, leaning over to pick up the remote. "Yeah. I promise." He stopped and turned to his friend. "Thank you."
"For what?"

"For taking care of her while I couldn't. For being a friend when she needed one. You guys really get along well. I can hear it in her voice when she talks about you."

Tony relaxed a little. "We were both surprised that it worked. But I do care about her Jack. She's one of my closest friends now. Probably only second to you."

"Good to know I still get first place."

"Yeah, yeah. You're my best friend. Now we've had our Hallmark moment."

Jack laughed out loud, switching on the TV and finding a baseball game.

"You'll still take care of her right?"

"Always, Jack. Always."

***

Tony was probably one of the last people that Chloe ever expected to see on her doorstep. It was pouring outside, and he was drenched to the bone, but he just stood there, staring at her.

"Tony?"

He swallowed hard, looking as though he were near tears. "I need to talk to someone."

"And you came to me? Wouldn't Jack make more sense?"

"He'll kill me," he said quietly.

Confused by his words, Chloe grabbed his arm and dragged him inside. He dripped all over her floor, shivering with cold, but he just stared at the floor as though he had just lost his best friend.

Uncertain of what she was supposed to do, Chloe moved down the hall, grabbing some clothes that Morris had left behind and a towel, handing them to Tony when she got back to the door. He took them silently, staring at them as though he didn’t know what to do with them.

"Bathroom's down the hall on your right," Chloe explained. "You need to get dry before you tell me…whatever it is you came to tell me."

He nodded, moving down the hall and into the bathroom. When the door was closed, Chloe breathed a sigh of relief. She was terrible in normal social situations, but the complicated ones threw her off even more. Muttering to herself about awkward situations, she stomped off to the kitchen, figuring that coffee would probably be a good thing to have waiting for him.

He was sitting on the couch in her living room by the time the coffee was ready, his hair still wet. Chloe handed him a mug and he took it silently before she moved to sit next to him nervously.

"Tony?"

He looked up at her.

"Why are you here?"

"I didn’t mean to," he whispered.

"Mean to what? Come here?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, Chloe. I shouldn't have-"
"Stop it, Tony. You're here. You need to talk and for some reason you can't go to Jack. That's fine. But I'm not good at this stuff, so you're just going to have to tell me whatever it is you came to talk about."

"I didn't mean to fall in love with her," he said, his voice so quiet that she strained to hear him.

As she struggled to put his words into context, Chloe's eyes widened as things clicked together. Jack had told her about Tony's new living situation, about the unexpected friendship…

"Kim?"

He nodded, his head hanging low. "I didn't mean to, Chloe. I swear. We were just supposed to be friends."

Hesitating, she lifted a hand and placed it on his shoulder. "I know, Tony."

He kept talking as though he hadn't heard her. "But I can't stop thinking about her. Every time I see her, she makes me smile. I stop hurting when she laughs, or when her hand brushes against mine. I just want to kiss her again-"

"Again?" Chloe interrupted. "When did you and Kim kiss?"

"When we first ran into each other at the hotel. She was too drunk to drive home, so I made her come up to my room. She…she punched the bathroom mirror and I went in to see if she was okay. I just…we were both hurting so much. We needed comfort, and we couldn't accept it from anybody else…"

"Wait," Chloe said. "Are you telling me that you and Kim slept together?"

Tony nodded, avoiding her gaze. "Yeah. And once before that. A long time ago."

Chloe's mind had completely exploded at his words. Never in a million years had she imagined that she would be having this conversation with Tony – especially about Kim. Then her mind grasped onto the last thing he said.

"What do you mean a long time ago?"

When his eyes met hers, there was genuine fear in them. "I don't want you to hate me. You're the only person I can talk to about this."

"Just tell me, Tony."

He took a deep breath. "Her eighteenth birthday…she got arrested and called CTU. I went to bail her out…"

"And you slept with her?" Chloe asked.

"I didn't plan it."

She took a deep breath, letting her brain assimilate all the information swimming around in it. Tony just sat there, hands wrapped around his mug, as he waited for her to yell at him.

"Okay," she finally said.

His head snapped up. "Okay?"

Chloe nodded. "Okay. I see now why you couldn't go to Jack."

"You're not going to yell at me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Tony, Kim has always had a mind of her own. I highly doubt you took advantage of her. It's not in your nature. In fact, I bet she started things, right?"

He nodded.

"That's what I thought. And Kim is used to getting what she wants."

Tony opened his mouth to defend her, but Chloe cut him off. "I'm not being mean, Tony. It's the truth. But the fact that she let you move in with her as a friend and is talking to Jack again means that she's grown up a lot since the last time I saw her." She looked at him closely. "Is it really such a bad thing that you've fallen in love with her?"

"Jack will never forgive me."

"Yes he will."

"Chloe, this is his daughter-"

"And he's finally starting to realize that it's her life and she can do what she wants with it."

"Exactly. Which means he'll forgive her. Not me."

"So instead of risking it you're just going to sit there, loving her, watching her live her life?"

Tony shrugged. "It's not the only problem I'm having."

"Michelle?"

Tears sprung to his eyes at the mention of her name. "How could I have fallen in love with someone else? She meant the world to me. She was everything I had," he whispered brokenly.

Arguing with herself silently for a minute, Chloe reached out and took his hand in hers. "Look, Tony. Loving someone new doesn't mean you loved Michelle any less. She wouldn't expect you to sit around moping and drinking for the rest of your life. She would understand that we all need somebody in our lives. We're not meant to be alone." She paused. "You're not suppose to punish yourself for the rest of your life just because you survived."

Her last words broke him. His hands came up to cover his face as his cries overtook him. Chloe had never had a crying person sitting on her couch before, but she couldn't stand to just watch him as his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. Cursing her social ineptitude, she scooted closer to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling his head against her chest.

"It's gonna be okay, Tony. We'll figure something out."

He cried until he fell asleep.