Too Late (1)

[failegaidin]

Part One of a new fic. Jack left five months ago....

            Chloe poured herself a cup of coffee, staring out the kitchen window at the street below. She watched the traffic stream by, her mind unable to grasp onto anything significant. As she took a sip of her drink, she didn't even taste it. She just felt the hot liquid spill down her throat as she continued to look outside.
            A noise behind her made her turn around, and she watched as Morris carried two suitcases out into the living room. He set them down and headed back to the bedroom, never looking at her. She watched as he made several more trips. It was then that she noticed there was nothing left of his in the kitchen or living room; she realized that he had to have been packing for the past week.
            Finally he carried out the last of his things. They stood there staring at each other, neither sure of what to say. Chloe set her coffee down and crossed her arms, leaning against the counter.
            "You're leaving?" she asked quietly, keeping her eyes locked on the boxes instead of Morris.
            He nodded. "Yeah."
            "When were you planning on telling me?"
            Morris shrugged. "I've been packing for the past five days, Chloe. You didn’t seem to care."
            It was Chloe's turn to nod as she raised her eyes to his. "We tried, didn't we?" she asked in a small voice.
            He looked at her sadly. "Yeah, love. We tried." He paused, looking down at the ground before speaking again. "It's just that…after the baby…after…"
            Chloe held her hand up to stop him, tears welling in her eyes – the first emotion she'd shown in weeks. Morris nodded, his own tears threatening to overcome him. Looking down at his things, he picked up a small shoebox. He stared at it for a moment before walking toward Chloe slowly, a pained expression on his face.
            "I…" he stopped and tried to clear his throat of the emotion that had welled up there to form a lump. "Please don't hate me for this, Chloe. I didn't…I just didn't want to lose you. I was selfish. I'm sorry, darling."
            Chloe looked at him in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about, Morris?" she snapped.
            "Here." He handed her the shoebox. "You have every right to be angry at me for keeping these from you. I know now that I was wrong. I'm sorry," he whispered the last part. Clearing his throat again, he moved toward the door. "My brother is here. To help me move my stuff."
            Chloe nodded dully. Then, picking her coffee cup back up and still holding the shoebox, she moved down the hall to the bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

 

***

 

            Chloe sat down on the bed, taking in the emptiness of the room. She knew that she should be feeling surprised, or angry or sad, but none of the appropriate emotions would come. She had barely noticed Morris for the past month; she couldn't even remember the last time she spoke more than two words to him. Setting her coffee down on the nightstand, she looked down at the box sitting in her lap.
            Opening it, she was surprised to see a stack of envelopes addressed to her. They had all been opened, and Chloe frowned as she tried to figure out what kind of mail she would get that would make him intercept all the letters. Reaching her hand in, she pulled out the first envelope, frowning again when she saw that there was no name with the return address. Curiosity getting the best of her, she opened the letter, noting that it was sent five months ago, and began to read.          

 

            Dear Chloe,

                        I feel stupid writing to you like this, but I couldn't bring myself to call you. I'm sorry. I know that I disappeared again without so much as a goodbye. But I knew that if I went back to CTU at all, I never would have been able to leave. And I needed to leave, Chloe. That place has been the source of too much pain in my life.
                        But I didn't want to walk away from you. I've missed you, more than I thought I could.
                        My address is on the envelope. I don’t know if you’d ever want to, but you’re welcome to come visit me. If you ever need me, I’m here.

                                                                        Jack

 

            Dear Chloe,

                        I was hoping to have heard from you after my last letter. But why should I? I heard from Bill that you’ve left CTU. I hope that now you’re enjoying a real life where you’re not called on to make sacrifices day in and day out. I hope that you’re happy.
                        I miss you.

                                                                        Jack

 

            Dear Chloe,

                        At first I thought I had made the right decision in walking away. I thought that it was the only way to save my sanity. But I’m slowly realizing that I walked away from more than a job. I walked away from friends who stood by me no matter what. I miss seeing you. I miss hearing you snap at people. I miss you rolling your eyes at me when I say something stupid. I miss you.
                        I hope you’re well. 

                                                                        Jack

 

            Dear Chloe,

                        I don’t know why I’m still writing these letters to you. I don’t blame you for moving on, for wanting nothing more to do with me. I did nothing but use you for years. I made ridiculous demands and never even thanked you when you came through every time.
                        But maybe I can say it now. I know it’s too late. I know I should have said it a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m sorry. You were my best friend, Chloe. Even though we never really got to know the little things, I always knew that you were there. You were the only thing that kept me going sometimes. In China I clung to the hope that you were still looking for me; that you would save me like you always did. Thank you. For everything. 

                                                                        Jack

 

            Dear Chloe,

                        I know I should leave you alone. Let you live your life. But I’m too selfish to let you go. I don’t even know if you read these anymore, or if you just throw them away when you see the return address. But if I don’t keep writing, I’ll have to admit that I’ve lost you. And that thought tears at my heart. It keeps me up at night, worrying that I’ll never see you again.
                        I have to say this. You might hate me. And you have every right to. But if I don’t say it now, I never will.
                        I love you, Chloe. That’s why I can’t let you go. You have such a hold on my heart, that if I admit that you’re gone…it would be the end of me. I love you. I don’t know when I fell, but I think it happened so slowly that I never noticed it until one day when I woke up and realized that I was head over heels in love you.
                        I know you don’t feel the same way. I know that you’ve pushed me out of your life – or maybe I just left so many times that I pushed myself out. I know you’re better off without me. But for five months I’ve been regretting walking away from you without even saying goodbye.
                        I love you, Chloe. And I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. 

                                                                        Jack

 

 

            Chloe laid down on the bed and cried.