Sadly, my network is not letting me onto Gmail chat today. I don't know if it's because of some internet problem or because my network has now decided to block the chat feature. We'll have to wait and see. But feel free to still send me emails there, because I'm still an email whore.

So - the magnificent amazing good news:


NIGHTMARE HAS COME HOME!!!!

She came in last night and is now cuddling and snuggling with me in bed. Words cannot express how happy I am to have her home. And Mimi said that she can move in with us on a trial basis. If it works and the other cats don't freak, she can stay. Life rocks and I love my cat. And I love God. And I love all of you. Thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts. You all rock my socks.

I realize that I should be packing. Or cleaning. I should be doing something productive. Instead I'm sitting on my ass in bed, watching hours of the X-Files. It's an intriguing show, and it's easy to just keep clicking "Play." I really like Mulder and Scully....of course, I find myself waiting for them to get together :)

I moved the big stuff today - with Jen's help. I was just going to take a few boxes of books, but she wanted to fill the entire car. So we ended up moving the whole desk, one bookshelf, three boxes of books, my Xbox, a bag of clothes, and my stool. So now I'm trying to just throw shit away. I'm on my second trash bag, and things are looking better, but...I think I've still got a long way to go. I can't even go to bed yet because there's so much crap on it. I really want to get to packing the books and DVDs. But I have zero boxes. Count 'em - ZERO. And yet 200 books to pack and probably 100 movies...so what am I supposed to do?

I think my mom is mad at me. She really wanted me to move back into the trailer when she and her boyfriend moved out. But I don't want to stay here alone. It's out in the woods, and I can admit that I'm afraid of the dark. And there are always problems with it - the pipes freeze, the hot water heater explodes, etc etc. But I'd rather live with Mimi and Grampa. It's amazing how much I want to live like a normal person...with a family and with regular meals and in a real house. Maybe I won't be so lonely. Maybe I won't feel so disconnected. Living alone in the trailer would only intensify those feelings. But since Ray (her icky boyfriend) is moving in at the same time I'm moving out, it doesn't look as though I'll get much help. Every time I ask for her help in getting boxes, I get the answer of "Well Ray is moving too..." UGH. Two more weeks from today and I'll be living in Flanders.

UGH - and my ex-stepmother has called me four times today. She says she's really sick. She wants me to come over and help with my little brothers. But I just don't have the energy for her. Every time she's sick, she acts like she's dying. I don't think I've ever seen her be sick and say "Don't worry, I'll be okay." It's always, "I'm dying" or "My chest hurts" or "I can't breathe" or "I just can't get up." I feel bad for my little brothers. They don't deserve to go through this drama. But at the same time, I can't let myself get sucked back into that HELL. I hate the fact that I cringe every time I hear my phone singing "In The AIr Tonight" (the ring set specifically for her).

Alright, guess I'm done ranting for now. I should at least clean my bed off before I try and go to sleep....

Alright, I've never really used this thing for personal comments, but something happened today to warrant a blog rant. So I shall rant. I realize that most of you only know me from my Chlack fics, but bear with me.

First, a little background: My mom and dad divorced when I was ten. My dad married another woman (Lisa) and they had two kids (my little brothers whom I love dearly) and then divorced about 5 years ago. My mom married again too, but he was evil and died of a heart attack 5 years ago. My last couple years of college, she (my mom) started seeing this guy Ray. Ray is my dad's ex-best friend. He is also friends with Lisa. Lisa has a boyfriend and is not interested in Ray, but she can be really manipulative and she exaggerates like there's no tomorrow. But she's been there for me for the past 12 years and I appreciate that. Side note: my father and I can't stand each other. He cheats on every woman he's with and thinks he can do no wrong and has also hit most of the women he's been with and he's an alcoholic. He threw me out of the house two months after my stepdad died because I stayed friends with Lisa. We reconciled for a while until I decided that I needed to get my life together before dealing with more of his manipulative power-struggle CRAP. So I cut off communication 2 years ago. We haven't spoken since.

Still with me?

Okay.

Three months ago Lisa let me listen in on a phone conversation between her and Ray. She had been telling me for more than a year that Ray was hitting on her and stuff, but I didn't believe her. But then I listened in on this phone call. He said that he wasn't involved with my mother (when he had told me he was) and that he just wanted to be with Lisa (despite the fact that she's involved with someone else). He went on and on about how depressed he is and how he just wants to be with Lisa and that if she (Lisa) would be with him, he would drop everything (including my mother) and go to her. I also read emails he wrote to Lisa basically stating the same things. So I told my mother. Because she does not deserve to be used like that and she doesn't deserve to lose ANOTHER man to Lisa. So I told her. I cried. She had a talk with Ray, and apparenlty everything was hunky-dory. I never got the full story of that one because mommy and I don't talk about our feelings. But I was not okay with Ray. Instead of being at our house all the time (I live with my mom), she started spending all her time at his house. FINE. I could live with that.

Ray did not contact Lisa for almost 3 months.

Today he called her. She called him back because she missed the call. Now, this is all hearsay since Lisa told me that this is what happened. But you can only not believe someone for so long when evidence points to the fact that they might be telling the truth. So, when I say that he said, know that Lisa said he said. I just can't keep typing that over and over again. ANYWAY. Ray said that he is not in a relationship with my mother (that they've never had sex, that they don't kiss - and I know that last one is a lie since I've WITNESSED it); that I need to keep my nose out of other people's business; that I'm 22 and I don't know anything; that I've never been in a relationship, so how could I POSSIBLY understand; that I'm a snoop; that I'm ruining things for my mother; and then the bastard compared me to MY FATHER. I have known this man my entire life. He has been a father figure to me since my dad sucks beyond belief and wants nothing to do with me because I'm a bad daughter and brainwashed into this Christianity thing. How could he possibly turn around and say those things??? It was beyond hurtful to hear and I feel betrayed all over again.

I realize that was a pretty personal rant and you guys have no idea who any of these people are. But I had to get it out. I can't go to my mother again because I have no proof, and it didn't do anything the first time. But I can't just deal with this man in my life. And he might be moving in with us for a while. And I am NOT okay with that. This blows.

And on top of all that, Sanjaya didn't go home tonight. Bastard.

Sexy Kiefer pic to make me feel better.